Why Should I Miss Her?


Figure in a Landscape by Francis Bacon, 1952

Why should I miss her?

The sun goes down alone
And comes up alone,
But still burns brightly all day.

The moon rises
And disappears by dawn,
Most days; desolate, cold, white stone
Reflecting the light
Of a distant star,
Around which it orbits
By way of structural attraction
To a planet it once
Was a part of.

Why should I miss her?

When I held her hand,
The skin was not that
Of a foreigner, a stranger,
An acquaintance, a friend.
No. As if her skin
Came from mine, as natural
As my own skin, as if
Her flesh were my flesh,
Not as a possession,
No, as if nature,
In its infinite processes
Had produced two
Separate bodies that
Were not separate
And should not be separate
But seem to be separate now.

Why should I miss her?

Fingers entwined, we sat
Gazing into forever
And we felt that if
Somewhere in forever
It would be something like
Right now, then life might
Actually be worth living…

Why should I miss her?

It seemed as though
She lived in eternal Winter,
And she needed me only to
Fill the need she had
For the Second Law of Thermodynamics,
Which states that heat
Naturally flows from a
Hotter body to a colder body.

(Not that I did not have a similar need,
But hers was a much more severe case.)

Why should I miss her?

Now that our love
Is here among the ruins.

You see,
I didn’t want to believe
That she couldn’t get past herself,
Her destructive, frozen eternal present.

But the Second Law of Thermodynamics
Can only heal so much
When it is one human body to another
With all the trauma that comes from
Being born into this madhouse
We call the world.

Sometimes there is no help for that.

Here on the craggy coast
In the fog and wind,
As the salt-licked air
Edges my iron heart with creeping rust,

…I move on in this nowhere without even a trace of a somewhere in sight…

…I guess it is a good day… except that I miss her…. and there is a scar across my life…


One thought on “Why Should I Miss Her?

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